Hello,
(Warning: this is pretty long.)
So today i am pondering the question ‘where does self confidence come from?”
After some responses from a few lovely ladies about my swimming post and their reluctance to go, I realised I am one of many with low self esteem. What can we do about it and more importantly, what can we do to ensure our children don’t grow up with confidence issues?
My main issues:
Firstly, i have my fear with mirrors. Have you ever looked in one mirror, done your make-up or whatever, thought to yourself ‘hmmmmm, not bad’ or in my case ‘acceptable, for me’ then looked in another mirror, with different lighting and gone ‘AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHHH’. I always do, therefore I will only look in my bathroom mirror, where I am used to the lighting etc and avoid all other mirrors at ALL costs. Changing rooms, public toilets, shops, diy shops with aisles of mirrors (my worst nightmare), reflections in windows are all avoided, pretty successfully.
Secondly,over the years, my fear of having my photo taken has gotten worse and worse. To the point where on a family outing where my cousin was trying to force me to have a photo I actually CRIED! (shame) Now it’s not so much the taking of the photo it’s SEEING the photo that is the worst. And with digital you are faced with the image immediately. Not like the old days, when it would take months/even years to get round to developing them. Giving you plenty of time brace yourself.
A lot of the time, I feel so bad about myself that I imagine people wondering how I’ve got such beautiful children when I look like I do. Or I think people see me and my other half (who, by the way, looks like a male model, he is gorgeous, so obviously the children have ALL his genes) together and whisper to each other ‘he could do so much better’. Even though I got engaged last year all excitement about a possible wedding is marred by the fact that to go dress shopping you have to look at yourself in the mirror – a no no, and also people take photos at weddings, another no no! I have considered that I am very short-sighted, so without specs I wont see the full extent of myself in the mirror, just the shape/outline of the dress. Also, I could always get the wedding ushers to strip search every guest for their camara/phone at the church entrance and they can then collect them on their way home at the very end. Cunning eh?
Now, because I do not want my children to grow up like this, I tell them every single day how beautiful and clever and talented they are, but I let them know that beauty isn’t everything. I never interrupt the girls, and more recently, Frankie, when they are gazing lovingly at themselves in the mirror (which by the way is pretty often, is that normal?) and pulling poses. And I let them know, to the point of smothering them, how loved they are.
So please, what do you think? Are you confident, where does it come from? Can you relate? What are your thoughts on raising your children to become confident but not image-focused young adults? I would love to hear from you.
Gem xxxx
You’re not the only one. I’ve just come to realise there’s more to life than worrying about what people think of you.x
Great honest post. My confidence has plummeted since Little A arrived and I find it hard to look at myself in the mirror particularly my tummy – and I won’t start on the face. Sounds to me like you are doing a very balanced job of instilling confidence in your children. Its very normal for kids to stare at themselves in the mirror – all part of their developing sense of self. I can understand why you question this if your parents had never mirrored back to you how beautiful YOU ARE.
Thank you for commenting. How sad for us to be so hard on ourselves, isn’t it? I was starting to wonder if it was a bit excessive to tell the children how beautiful they are…all the time. I just don’t want them turning out like me though :-/ It would break my heart if they told me, one day, that they didn’t want to get married solely because they didn’t want their photo taken! I don’t want them to EVER doubt how beautiful and gorgeous and perfect they are! xx
I don’t know where it comes from really. I had a very loving mum but very sharp tongued brothers who liked to pick on my mercilessly. I have always had very low physical self-confidence, but a few years ago I learned with pregnancy to not care. I still really, really dislike the way I look. It still makes me sad to see myself in mirrors (don’t even get me started on photographs!), but not very, very sad anymore. I can shake it off – I know there are more important things than the bags under my eyes and the chub at the top of my jeans or under my chin. I’ll never love myself, but I do love my life with my family, and that’s far more important to me.
Funnily enough, I felt better about my body (not my face, my face is my biggest woe) during pregnancy. I didn’t care if people thought I was huge – which I was- I felt important and I was proud to have this humungous belly!
Obviously there are more important things, and I do love my life, and somehow (God knows how) I do have the most beautiful partner and children and that is what I try to focus on. It just does get me down at times that I feel so ugly.
Thanks for your comment.xxx
I have written a couple of posts on my blog about body image and my ageing face so this is a topic which hits home for me.
As an ex dancer/circus artist and wearer of Lycra I’ve had a lot of time to deal with this issue. I think what it comes down to is actually what does it matter how we look, as long as we are happy and enjoying our life.
I hope you can feel better about yourself because honestly there is so much more to life.
Found your blog on Love New Blogs btw
Interesting post. I have very little self confidence and that has always been the way. Strange really because my mum is very confident and outgoing, so is my brother who is only 2 years younger than me.
My husband is also very confident and I had thought that some of his confidence would rub off on me but that doesn’t seem to have worked either. I can’t imagine it will ever change for me now. I hope that the combination of confidence between my husband and myself will give the kids a nice middle ground.
I do identify with your comments about having your photo taken, I’m not a huge fan of that either. Especially nowadays, where social media means people can pap a terrible pic of you and then post it up on Facebook! But funnily enough, when we got married, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the wedding pictures. Nothing could stop the happiness I felt shining though the picture. I do so hope you can start to overcome some of your feelings so you can enjoy planning your wedding and look forward to it. There definitely is an art to practicing a good photo face, so maybe get the baileys out and get your other half to keep snapping until you find your right pose. A semi smile with chin slightly lifted is my best pose!