When I Grow Up…(if I grow up)

This week I am contemplating: What makes you officially a grown up? Is being ‘grown up’ simply a state of mind or is it the responsibilities you have that make you an fully fledged adult?

I wonder this, because for the last year and a bit, I have told myself that once I get my drivers licence I will finally feel like a grown up! (For those who don’t know, I passed my test two weeks ago. Yay!) Even though I have a partner of eight years, I have a home, I have a dog, I even have THREE children who have been successfully reared by me thus far, I was sure it was the absence of this elusive drivers licence that was holding back my promotion from girl to WOMAN. (Is it acceptable to refer to my 28-year-old self as a girl? Hmmm, probably not.)

However, when said licence landed on my doormat this morning, although I was ecstatic and relived the ‘driving test nightmare’ was over with, did I really feel any different? No.

So, it’s back to the drawing board. Perhaps when I get a real-life, actual car I will feel different. I will certainly get a sense of freedom, I can take my children anywhere at any time and not have to rely on anyone else. I can also wear high heels instead of ‘comfy shoes’ because I wont have to walk everywhere. That’s the mark of a grown up, right?

Or maybe the transition will come when I get a job. A career that I enjoy and a regular salary.

Maybe I’ll never feel like a real grown-up, so I’ll just have to keep acting like one and continue to take care of the huge responsibilities I do have. My children, my family and my home.

But if anyone wants to help me out by giving me a car or indeed, a job, I am open to offers.

And so, to the New Year…

So, there we have it.  Christmas and New Year is over for another year, the decorations are down, new toys put away (sort of) and the rubbish has been collected.  Always a sign that things are back to normal.

Was it all worth it?  The effort, the money (oh, the money), the worry of ‘have the children got enough’, the pressure to make the season memorable and, well, Christmassy, and did I mention the money?

Of course it was.  Who didn’t sit there basking in satisfaction as their friends/family/children ripped open their carefully chosen (and not panic bought minutes before the shops closed – honest) presents.  I for one was pretty pleased with myself, as the children opened everything that was on their list, plus plenty of extra presents, until a certain little madam surveyed the living room and declared ‘Oh, I haven’t got much.’

Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhh.  Like a knife to the heart.  Anyway, it was a great Christmas, despite a little ungratefulness.

And so to the New Year.  I’m not really a fan, I find people act strangely at New Year, especially with a drink down them, and it’s never as good a night as you want or expect it to be.  So, as is tradition in our house the children went to bed as normal, and me and him indoors played Super Mario. Then went to bed. We do acknowledge the New Year, though, with a special candlelit dinner.  Perfect.

I am excited for this year though, hopefully it will be the year I conquer The Driving Test, which is really turning out to be my Achilles heel.  If I’m not in the wrong lane, I’m driving 10 mph too slow or nudging, NUDGING the kerb in a parallel park ffs!  I’m not a boy racer or dangerous driver,  just pass me you miserable b*****ds!!!  Sorry.

It will be the year when I reach my goal of being a size 10 again, I will work for it instead of just expecting my body to eventually just shrink back down.  It is not happening, so I will, in fact, have to partake in some exercise and lower my food consumption.  See, it’s easy.

I also aim to buy some clothes, I don’t say this to shock, but I hate shopping  (apart from grocery shopping, a full cupboard and fridge gives me great satisfaction) I have about 6 items in my wardrobe, none of them nice, and feel that at the age of 28 I need to, as I have mentioned before find my ‘style’.

I also want to have as much fun and quality time (I hate that phrase) with my gorgeous, gorgeous, beautiful, clever, funny children.  The girls are growing up so fast and Frankie will be starting school late this year (this year!!!! Noooooo!) and I will make the most of them wanting me around them, because before long, they wont. Sob sob.

So, Happy New Year to you all, hope you all achieve exactly what you want this year and enjoy yourself in doing so.

xxxx

Humph!!!

I don’t like Mondays. And this Monday I am feeling particularly blue.  (There’s a song in there somewhere, I’m sure.)

Firstly, the alarm didn’t go off this morning (grrrrr) giving us precisely 15 minutes to get the two girls dressed, gym kits packed, packed lunches made, breakfast eaten thrown down the gullet, teeth brushed and to get out the door to catch the school bus.  It was a close one.  We legged it down the road, hair barely brushed *shameful*, coats not done up and……without their flipping book folders, but we made it.  This for me, is not a good start to the day.  Bad mother.

Secondly, instead of my planned trip to town to buy myself some Shu Umera eyelash curlers (a present to myself for passing my driving test) I now have to save my pennies for yet more driving lessons!  Yes, I failed my test. Booooo.

I actually had no expectations of passing it first time, until I actually set out on my test.  Thirty minutes in, I thought to myself that hmmmm, I’m actually doing ok.  I was cruising along the dual carriageway, successfully stopping myself letting out my usual ‘aaaarrgghhhhs’ which I normally screech out when I get over 40mph and I didn’t even close my eyes and hope for the best when passing other cars on a particularly narrow road.  I performed my reverse around the corner faultlessly – if I do say so myself.  I was calm and collected.  However, on my way back (yes ON THE WAY BACK!!!!) to the test centre, we came to the ma-hoo-sive roundabout which has been the bane of my learning-to-drvie life.  It has two lanes (eek) it has loads of exits (eek) and it has a crucial switching-lane-switching-signal point which you have to get just right.  I didn’t.  I got in the wrong lane and therefore, I was doomed from the off.  I had to cut across the other lane of traffic in order to get off on the right exit and this was a ‘dangerous error’.  I had 10 minutes left!!!  And I made this stupid mistake.  I was so gutted with myself that I cried when the examiner said I’d failed because of that one error.  Absolutely gutted.  So I have another test booked and I need to pass.  I cannot afford more lessons and more tests. And my poor shins can’t take another bout of me kicking myself.

Thirdly, last week I received an e-mail out of the blue offering me the most amazing opportunity, regarding some kind of work and career inspiration.  I was over the moon.  I got back to them immediately and have resisted the temptation to check my inbox every 5 minutes to see if they’ve replied.  Since last Thursday, I haven’t even logged on to the internet (I don’t think).  I was like a kid (actually, I’m often more excited than the kids at Christmas) so I was like…… myself at Christmas this morning, desperate to check my emails.  42 messages in the inbox. Oooooooooh. I quickly scanned through and NONE of them were from the person I wanted one from.  I knew I wouldn’t be that lucky.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr.

So, lessons learned:

1.  Make sure alarm clock is ON.

2.  Get the girls’ school things ready the night before!

3.  Practice, practice, PRACTICE that blimming roundabout in my next couple of lessons.

4.  Remember the old chestnut:  If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

That is all.  Oh, except this: