Well, for those who have visited this blog before, you will probably know that I have a ‘other half’ Rob, we are engaged and we have our three children, and the dog. And I wouldn’t change things for the world…….Although, sometimes, I have to admit to feeling little pangs of…not jealousy, maybe regret that I didn’t do things a little differently.
Let me begin
My best friend recently got married. She had the most beautiful wedding abroad, to a man she had been with for 9 years, she has a successful career and (wait for it) a mortgage to boot! These things, I do not have.
Now that she is married, she will have the luxury and excitement of planning a family and actually trying for a baby. Instead of just finding herself pregnant (eh-hem, that’s right I found myself with child, at not the most appropriate of times).
She will have the excitement each month of peeing on a stick and praying for it to be positive ( it was the other way round for me, the first time – how awful), the grand announcement to her family, who will all be delighted to hear that she is expecting. Hugs will be had and tears will be shed. Not the nearly passing out with fear of telling her parents that I had (the first two times anyway).
She will probably even have a baby shower organised - something I hear is getting quite popular in ol’ Blighty, although, I wouldn’t know – grrrr.
I just feel that, now I have finished with ‘having the baby’s', and it all passed by so quickly, and without much excitement from anyone, I don’t have much to look forward to. I’ve been there, done that, and nobody really cared, except me and Rob of course….Which is all that matters, I hear you cry, and your right, I know that…..I just wish that the announcement of my pregnancies were not shrouded by fear of judgement and worry about how we’d cope financially and emotionally. Of course, we did cope. All by ourselves. Despite the odds.
Then there’s my other friend, who’s managed to branch out from the city she was born, has a fantastic career, social life and is still single. She still has the excitement of going out and wondering if Mr. Right is just around the corner. Or the freedom of only having herself to worry about. When she does meet Mr.Right she will have all the suspense of when are they going to move in together, when will they buy a dog together, when will they get engaged….Again, I’ve been there done that. Although, we (not purposely, you understand) had the baby, two of them (!) before we got the dog.
I just can’t help but feel that there is not much left for me. And just when my children start growing up and I get a bit more freedom, my friends will just be starting their families, and I’ll be the odd one out again.
Saying that, in a couple of years, when F has stopped sharing the bed with us, when I have finally (hopefully) found the Holy Grail of a full nights sleep (which I have not had for 6 and a half years!), when my children are able to entertain themselves for a bit, so I can do the housework, they will be the zombies struggling to get through the day on 4 hours sleep, they will have to learn to accept that having sick and sometimes poo on their clothes is going to be the norm, they will have a house like a complete rubbish dump and no energy to do anything about it, they will have the bleeding nipples, and scars on their nether regions from episiotomy’s (although I wouldn’t wish that on anyone). And don’t forget the joyless and endless, endless arguments with their other half’s about whose turn it is to bath/put to bed/read the book/get up and see to/put back to bed/change nappy or take to the loo (etc etc) their little ones!
And I will be free from those mostly amazing, yet, thinking back, sometimes hellish days.
So, yes, maybe I do feel envious when they’re jetting off on holidays, or even going on nights out without that knot in the stomach of ‘I hope the kids are ok”, but maybe (I highly doubt it , but maybe) sometimes, they are a little envious of me. Maybe that’s just life. Maybe everyone thinks, at some point in their life, no matter how well their doing, that someone else’s grass is just a little bit greener……I bet you do!
And we are still great friends, despite our lack of things in common (apart from our bygone years of school or drunken nights out) and will always will be. Even though I don’t see them nearly as often as I should.
So note to self: stop viewing everyone else’s life through rose tinted glasses, (jeez, how many cliche sayings do I want to put in here?) because whose life do I really want? Mine!!!!! I wouldn’t change it for anything!!!! How could I ever, ever question perfection?