Ok, so a week ago I faced my fear and decided to set a date and take my little ones SWIMMING! Now, that does mean being seen (baring my arms and, wait for it – THIGHS) in a bathing suit by…..other people! Strangers! Members of the public! Gulp! This is no easy decision for me, and it took a full 7 days of mental preparation, a couple of sit-ups and liberal applications of gradual tanning lotion before the day of dread. This is not to say that my children have never been swimming, surely that would be a crime. It is just that it’s been either on holidays, where I’m a little less uptight, or the Grandparents have fulfilled the going- swimming- duties. As I say, it was time for me to ‘face the fear’.
So, I enrolled my Mum to help for safety reasons, took my dutch courage (well, not completely dutch, it was 9.30 in the morning) let’s just say I had a strong coffee with….. a splash, a tiny splash of Baileys. ;-/ Off we set for the Leisure Centre.
Now, once there and in my tuumy control cossie. I admit I was feeling ok. Everyone is either too focused on making sure their kids aren’t drowning or they simply do not care how big your arms/bum/legs look. It’s true: YOU are the only one who’s bothered. So, inhibitions lowered, there we are, all having a great time. I only had to explain ONCE to the girls that they are not mermaids and cannot breathe under water, so STOP TRYING! :-0 Frankie was having a whale (see what I did there: whale/water….anyway) of a time going head first down the kids water chute.
Then, the wave machine came on – yaaaaaay, my favourite! Everyone is happily bobbing over the waves…….then something else was spotted conspicuously bobbing over them…. Can you tell what is yet (aussie accent for that sentence, if you please)
IT WAS POO!!!!!
So, in the midst of my enjoyment, everyone was cleared from pool and left to stand on the side while lifeguards figured out what to do. Uh-oh, out of the pool and on full show my self consciousness was back, so I gathered the three kiddies around me, thus hiding my legs. Result! Eventually, we were told to go home. But, we were given two complementary family passes to go again for free! That means, for my sins, and after nearly 6 years of avoiding the pool, I have to go twice in the next two weeks before the passes expire!!
Now, where’s that self tan and bottle of Baileys gone??????
