On Saturday I went to visit my 87-year-old Nan. She only lives 20 minutes away from me and I see her around 4 times a week. Either me and the boy take a stroll down to her for a cuppa and a Welsh cake or she will take her exercise with a walk up to mine.
My Nan is an absolutely amazing woman, and I admire and love her so much. She is the mother of 12 children who has been through so much, both as a wife and as a mother. She is the absolute strongest woman I know. My Nan is the best!!!!
Anyway, on Saturday she was telling me that she had been to church that morning, while there she saw a lady nursing a baby. My Nan then said that she had a deep yearning to have a baby in her arms. At the age of 87 my Nan was feeling broody!!
This got me wondering when or if you ever really know when your family is complete. My mum knew without a doubt that her third daughter, my youngest sister, was her last baby and she never ever had second thoughts on that. Then my step-dad went and got ‘fixed’. When I had F, after having my two girls, I thought that was it – I could throw out the manky (but expensive) maternity bras, and clothes and get into shape once and for all….. For your information, I am still wearing those above mentioned bras, when all the others are in the washing plus I am still not in shape!…………..And, I am now wondering what it would be like to have another addition.
(I’ll give you a second to take that in…..Yes, I know I already have 3)
It’s not that I am obsessed with just babies. It’s the idea of them growing up, us all being close, the house always being full, them bringing their boyfriends/girlfriends home, the family gatherings, the weddings, the grandchildren (how can I be thinking of grandchildren at 28?!) I just cannot shake the feeling of broodiness. Will I ever shake it?
On the other hand though, I am looking forward to the children growing up a bit. Rob and I have never, not once, had a night to ourselves since having children. In the last year, the girls have started sleeping over at my mum’s every couple of months, but we’ve still had F with us as he is very clingy. When he’s a bit older he will be able to sleep out too. We will have a bit of freedom! I am also looking forward to maybe getting some sort of career or dong some studying when F starts school. I will have some time to myself to read a book or do the grocery shop alone and in under 2 hours!!! I can have a shower in the morning for longer than 90 seconds – any longer and that boy will causing some SERIOUS mischief. I can get the ironing done in one go, instead of having to fit bouts of it in around doing jigsaws, shape sorting, colouring, playing cars, being a horse, having my belly used as a trampoline……..
But would I appreciate this time to myself…..or would I miss having someone else to focus on, instead of myself. I feel like being a mum is all I know and looking at my three beautiful, amazing geniuses – I’m pretty blimming good at it! Probably the only thing I am good at.
Maybe it’s the fact that I am worried what I’ll do with myself when all three children are at school. Maybe I am hiding behind the fact that when they’re all in school – I will have to face the big bad world and grow up a bit myself!!!!
I know Rob would never consider having another baby and really, I know that it is not very practical. I think this is a case of my heart trying to rule my head and it’s probably something that will pass. Hopefully. Hearing my Nan say that she had a longing for a baby (at 87, let me remind you) made me feel really sad – is wanting a child an instinct that the majority of women have and never get over? I don’t want to feel broody for the rest of my life so do you really know when your family is done or do you make the decision for financial/personal/practical reasons, and just deal with that decision for the rest of your life.
I would love to hear from you mum’s or dad’s who know for definite that their family is complete and how did you know that for sure??